Cannon Fodder
by JadziaKathryn
Summary: One man reflects on his career before the final battle of the Dominion War. It hasn't been pretty.


Disclaimer: I'm playing in Paramount's universe. I don't own anything; I'm just putting off a paper.

**Cannon Fodder**

I remember one spring break when I was finishing high school and Adrienne came home. She was one of the people who used spring break to get ahead in her schoolwork as opposed to leaving for Risa. History was never that interesting to me; all her padds were on ancient Earth battles and societies. I already knew that I wanted to be an engineer, and Adrienne's work looked like the kind of thing that would put me to sleep.

At dinner one night we'd pulled her away from reading about some old war and she brought it up in discussion. A typical teenage brother, I rolled my eyes and started cutting my chicken.

"They actually sent men out without weapons!" she exclaimed. "A group of men would go out in lines. When the first one died, the next would pick up his weapon and use it until he died, and so on. Those were the lucky ones, the ones that survived long enough to get a weapon. There's even a name for this kind of atrocity! They called the men 'cannon fodder.' Can you believe it? Thousands of men were sent out knowing they would die."

The year after that, I spent most of spring break on the beach with half the other first-year cadets and Adrienne went to study the history of the colonies on the moon, and then in my second year things with the Dominion heated up and everyone at the Academy got serious. Adrienne graduated and went on to study for her master's degree while I prepared to be a wartime engineer.

That, at least, was the theory. In reality, nothing can prepare you to be a wartime engineer. What had started out as a so-called cold war was red hot by the time I graduated.

Our first engagement with the Dominion wasn't long in coming, and I felt that I was prepared. I knew all the emergency measures, I knew my battle station, and above all I knew that I was destined to survive the war.

Lieutenant (j. g.) T'Kelah, the ranking officer for gamma shift, was killed in that battle. I was transferred from beta shift to command gamma. Not even a month out of the Academy, and I was already in charge of Engineering for a shift. After two days, I realized how much I didn't know. We were still repairing the _Constantinople _when we ended up in another battle. Lt. Commander Wallace was on his way down, so I was still technically in command of Engineering. Ensign Del Sierra, who had lived just down the hall from me in the dorms, died when the plasma manifold she was patching up was rattled by a hit. The manifold exploded, and there was no way to save Del Sierra.

I thought we were going to die, then. There were three Dominion ships and two of us. The _Wilhelm _had already lost weapons, and our shields were barely holding at three percent. It occurred to me, as I frantically tried to find more power for the shields, that we hadn't been told to have an updated will for nothing.

The _Enterprise_ swept in and saved us, although it was too late for the _Wilhelm_ by then. Only one of their escape pods managed to survive the ruthless enemy bombardment, and from the _Wilhelm_'s crew of four hundred and twelve, three survived. Two ensigns and a lieutenant, all in security. They were transferred to the _Constantinople_ and we went on, repairing and fighting.

Within four months of graduation, I was a junior grade lieutenant and in charge of Beta shift. By then, I knew how much I didn't know. I still knew the emergency measures, but I also knew that they weren't nearly enough. I could find my way to my battle station in my sleep, but I was still powerless to keep shields and weapons at a hundred percent. Above all, I knew that I could die at any second.

I sent communiqués home whenever I could, and when it was possible I would hear back. Mom and Dad adopted a stray dog and credited walking it with getting them in better shape. Adrienne started working on her dissertation and found a serious boyfriend. Meanwhile, Commander Talas was killed, a third of the people who came on the _Constantinople _with me were dead, Lt. Commander Wallace lost the pinkie of his left hand, and I had third degree burns twice.

By the time I'd been out here six months, nothing was the same. I finally understood why the Federation was willing to sign away the possibility of cloaking devices, something that I had never comprehended before. They just wanted peace, and if that meant no cloaking devices, then no cloaking devices was just fine with them. Before I had cursed them for signing that protection away, but I forgave them, because their intentions were good. I forgave myself for not being able to save everyone, but at the same time I devoted more and more time to the ship, giving up most of my free time. Who cares about free time when the universe as you know it may be lost any day?

Ferdinand Mitterschien was my closest friend, and one day he was dead too. The away mission was a success, but half the away team died. He knew the odds weren't good going down there, and he'd updated his will. I was bequeathed his two old paper books, a copy of _War and Peace_ and the collected poetry of Edna St. Vincent Millay. I flipped through the pages and thought of how hollow a victory the away mission had turned out to be. Then I updated my own will so that if anything happened to me and the _Constantinople_ survived, Adrienne would get the books. She loves old books, and these are some of the oldest I've ever seen. These books were around when Jonathan Archer was taking the first _Enterprise_ out to explore.

Around my ninth month on the _Constantinople_, I ended up in a coma. It took me a week to come out of it, and when I did I discovered that I was a full lieutenant. I've never been able to remember, but apparently right before a hit knocked me out, I managed to restore phasers. Dr. at'Whan made me spend three days in Sickbay and another three in my quarters before I could go back to duty. Since I had nothing else to do in Sickbay, I read a little bit of _War and Peace_.

I was still supposed to spend one more day resting, but we engaged the enemy in the hopes of saving the _Victoria_, and I wasn't about to lie around. We did save the _Victoria_, but it cost us thirty people, most of whom were engineers and one of whom was Lt. Commander Wallace.

Engineering was down to dangerously low numbers, and I started working half of Alpha shift as well as Beta. When we were doing repairs, which was most of the time, I'd work into Gamma shift as well. There's no use in free time if the ship is going to fall apart.

I heard from Adrienne yesterday. She and Hank got engaged, and she wants me to be an usher at the wedding. Tomorrow we engage the Dominion, Cardassians, and Breen. Once again, I've updated my will. Purposely, I didn't even try to reply. The chances of anything getting through, as deep into Cardassian territory as we are, are slim anyway, but I have nothing good to say. Especially since the Breen joined against us, I don't feel good about this upcoming battle. The _Constantinople_ hasn't met up with the Breen yet, and I don't know how to compensate for Breen-inflicted damage as well as Dominion or Cardassian fire.

We have worked hard to repair and upgrade all we could, and the _Constantinople_ is in excellent condition, all things considered. We're operating on a skeleton crew, since tomorrow we all need to be well-rested and alert. The problem is that I, for one, can't sleep. So I picked up _War and Peace_, and then I remembered that conversation we had at dinner. It seems like a lifetime ago, and in many ways I suppose it was.

Cannon fodder, Adrienne called them. I think I know how they felt. And just maybe, after all these years, war hasn't changed as much as we like to think it has.

* * *

A/N: My fellow history lovers may wonder if the "cannon fodder" Adrienne referred to was specific, and the answer is yes. She's talking about the Soviet troops in WWII, who, like the Federation, were among the victors at the end of the war. 


End file.
